Do you ever feel that your partner and you speak a different language? The one says potato, while the other person hears tomato. You’re playing a game of phone and the messages got mixed up somewhere in the process. Couples counseling can be a lifeline for couples when communication is strained.
Imagine this: Sarah has been married to John for 10 years. The couple loves each other, but they can’t get along anymore. Each conversation becomes a heated argument over who forgot to pay for the electric bill or left the milk outside. It’s exhausting. They decide to try therapy.
It’s always awkward to have the first meeting. It’s strange to be sitting with a person you have shared so much with and suddenly feel like strangers. They are asked to express their emotions without interfering with each other. This is a Herculean challenge for those caught up in conflict.
Sarah says, “I’m not sure if you still listen to me.” John begins to interrupt, but stops himself. He takes a breath, and then waits for his turn.
When it is his turn to speak, he replies “I hear what you’re saying.” But I always feel that you criticize me.
It may be trivial to you, but for the children it is a breakthrough. The children are learning to listen again and to be understood.
Couples counselling isn’t only about fixing the broken, but also building a new relationship together. Imagine it like spring cleaning your relationship. You clear away the cobwebs to find hidden treasures.
Take Maria and Alex. They were stuck in routines which left no room for spontaneity or romance. The therapist recommended that they plan ‘date night’s’, not just as a chore but also as a way to connect outside of their normal environment.
It felt like they were trying to force something which should have come easily. Over time, they began to look forward to those evenings. They were a welcome break from their daily routine where they could enjoy laughter and recall why they first fell in love.
Counseling may also reveal deeper problems that lie beneath the surface of everyday disputes, such as financial strain or traumas from previous relationships. These issues can be difficult to address, but they are ultimately liberating.
Take Mike and Lisa. They couldn’t get along over money, until they realized that it was not about the dollars or cents, but about their lack of trust and security. These were things both had been missing since childhood, and which affected their marriage profoundly.
Therapy is not a magic dust which will solve all your problems overnight. Both partners must be committed to changing old habits, and building new ones.
Here’s what’s really shocking: Sometimes couples find they are better apart. And that’s fine too. The therapy room is a place where couples can have honest discussions about the benefits of staying together.
Imagine Jack and Emily. They went to counseling in an attempt to save their relationship, but they realized that what they really wanted was something else. Their paths diverged completely.
The bittersweet ending allowed both of them to go forward, without any resentment and regret hanging in the air like storm clouds ready to explode at any time!
If you feel more like roommates or soulmates recently, and if your discussions seem to be destined for failure instead of success, it might be worthwhile considering couples counseling. It is a great option that will help take this journey called life hand in hand once again stronger than before. You’ll both face the challenges together no matter what comes next.
It’s not everything, but it is pretty close.